Today

Here,
Now.
It is the moment you have.
Read: pick up a thought and leave your mark-
Make a difference

5.12.15

Healing

I can’t wait till time takes an eraser to my heart,
And rubs out your name, etched on my mind.
 I hope the hangover of life vomits you out of me
 And I step over the puddle as the past pools on the ground,
Wetting the earth beneath me,
You will seep into the depths I cannot see.
I hope I learn to breathe easy
The knots of your ‘fro no longer lumping in my throat
Welling tears behind my eyelids; the sight of you two together
Stings as it blurs my vision with moistened salt,
And regret clouds my soul
How did I lose control?
I am waiting for Mother Time to massage salve
Onto my pain,
Her healing hands will bring me solace
And I will finally be able to take control of this nonsense-
My heart shall no longer race when I see you look at me
Your smile shall no longer steal my breath and my cool
Your presence shall no longer color my cheeks,
Sweat budding under my arms and in my palms
The base of my locks itch and my skin tingles
You lick your lips and mine water,
Delicious desire pools in my mouth and
I shall no longer long to suck on the sweetness of your lips
Nor dance to the rhythm of your laugh
Your voice makes me warm
I know I was not good enough for you
But I cannot wait till you

No longer are, for me. 

23.11.15

In Adequate



As my tears drown my vision,
Reality floats to the surface.
The truth hurts of the pain felt,
Cuts my flesh so deep
It hits the hidden core of emotions
And bores a hole
Through the being
Who seizes to exist.
But the hurt alone,
Transcending
Myself and merging into me
I disappear into my anguish
Consuming my other
My before
And Now
I cannot breathe
I cast my eyes to the scars reopened by today’s injuries
I sob
Into my soul
Yesterday’s tears long evaporated by resolve
Though the barbed wires around my heart
Hold my cries hostage,
I feel every single sensation

Of plain old rejection. 

19.11.15

Toxic Tea

This is my addiction,
I need a line,
A string of moments in your presence,
I will sniff you in,
And as my pupils dilate
I will feel you seep into my bloodstream
Invigorating,
You will fill me up
And charge my mind
I need you to start my batteries
The spark that warms my insides,
Fills me with the hope of living
You’ll brighten my day
And I can function again.
An energized fog,
My senses are awakened by you
I can hear,
I float…
I can feel
I sense the things in my world,
Hallucinations and reality tango in my mind,
My eyes deceive my brain
It hoaxes my truth
I am at home...

My skin itches without your touch,
A hankering I can never assuage with a scratch
I could peel my epidermis from my bones,
Savagely separate flesh from skeleton,
Defragmenting my self
I seek to sever out the emotion
That shackles me
To this longing

An overflowing shot glass of your soul
I will throw my head back
And feel you burn my throat
As you drip down
Your fire blazing within me
The comfort of my stagger
As the world begins to sway
The swing of life
Destabilizing the confusion in which I exist...

This is the cup of warm toxic brew

This is you. 

16.11.15

Brew

I know I don't even have you,
But I miss you.
To never had,
nor never held,
But I feel the void of you gone.

I know your heart was never here,
but my fingers feel empty
As if your beating heart
Just slipped through them like the sands of time,
I count the minutes
That tick by
As I lie here
Imagining what it would be like
To be wrapped up in the envelope of your embrace,
I miss you.

Home

...I am an African woman
You see my hair,
The colours that dance around me,
wrapped by the beauty of my home,
I stand proud.

I know you watch my hips,
Your eyes dance to the rhythm of the sway of my curves,
You imagine the ways that I can serve
your thirst,
your hunger

Our land was raped of its precious jewels,
You sold us the goods that we gifted to you
My home is bludgeoned by the images of flies on the lips of dirty little children
with moistened eyes an a hunger that scratches the insides of their bellies...

7.11.14

131013

Three ones, two threes.
A zero in between.
One day, two people
Now nothing in between.
A moment, a gaze,
A touch, a kiss,
Two lives changed; a gift.

Deep in thought,
Nibbling the insides of his cheeks
Twirling the ends of her hair on her finger
Head cocked to one side.
Deep breathed sigh, silence
Garrulous; a minute inundated with words,
Bursting at the seams-tears

A wall of shoulders,
A shield from dangers,
Hope holds warm- it rocks you to sleep
It makes you dream,
Strengthens you,
Pushes you and Supports you.

No quandary insurmountable
With the muscle of the other, beside you.

It Goes

Tomorrow drives by
In a car so fast, it looks like today
No!
That was yesterday
The gift becomes the memory
Of time never regained.

I wonder what my future yesterdays will be like.

28.5.14

Maya


I have always admired Maya. I've looked up to her, adored her, wanted to be her. I have been in awe of her, fascinated by her and impressed with her. I've looked her up and read about her, reveling in every detail of her life hoping that I could somehow replicate it in my own. I have thought about her. I have dreamed about her. She is gone. Never will I get to meet her, to hug her to tell her... Never will I get to gawk at her and ask her a silly question before I bombard her with the deepened abyss of my questioning soul. Never shall I get to stare into those wise eyes and say, "Tell it to me" 
Gone but not forgotten she has risen in me. Awakened the dormant words in my heart. In the silencing of her body her being ignites in me a fire I thought had been snuffed out by the cooling of the coals. 
Gone but not forgotten, I remember. I remember what is was like to dream as a little girl, that I stood before a crowd and mesmerized them with my lyrics of my mouth. The rhythm of my tongue and the hum of my voices. As My Angel-ou would, I would create a cadence that cascades and cradles, that rattles through the body and awakens in people the very thing that makes them who they are.
My heart broke at the realization that she is gone.
Gone but not forgotten, your legacy lives on. 

8.3.13

Rooted Woman


I am from the home of silver and gold
Draped across the windows
They hang and in the wind flow
Their astonishing beauty
The bed of black and white
The sounds that bring in light
The clothes on my back
Taken from Irina’s rack
The place where in the moonlight glow
Mummy places her head on all those pillows

I am from that one house
Which has a backyard you’ll love to browse
Arched walls the leaves from the mango tree falls
Pawpaw trees in the wind sway ‘cos they are free
The palms dance as though it were their last chance
The garden, the gate, the gravel driveway; come in, take a glance

I am from that street that isn’t neat
The noise of the road workers and the midnight lurkers
Phone booths, people speaking loudly, some uncouth
The taxis parked near the little corner store
From my room I sometimes hear the waves crashing on the shore


I am from Mataheko
The place Joshua’s dimples, now replaced by pimples
Brought me such joy. Daddy crept through the house
Silent the cutest little mouse
Mummy always heard on the block
Irina, Caleb and his belly, Naa followed her around; her lil’ flock

I am from
“I want you to take initiative” Daddy’s quiet wise words
“Children should be seen and not heard” Mummy’s shouted lyrics
“Early to bed early to rise” class one’s motto
A lesson I learnt for no other to trade

I am from fried plantain, chicken roasted or fried
Richest salad, fried rice, jollof and so much more rice
Shito that burns the tongue and sends the eyes diving and noses running

I am from a place of growing weeds and growing pains,
A place I love that brings me tears
Shaped, moulded and prodded, my future is told
By the futures behind me
As I strive forward,
My life proceeds backwards,
And I run faster to the nightmares I am escaping

I am from places, moments, houses and people
Welding my insides to the casing
Connecting me to the foundation I have sprouted from
I'm a rooted African woman.

Happy Women's Day