Today

Here,
Now.
It is the moment you have.
Read: pick up a thought and leave your mark-
Make a difference

25.12.10

It is not that my heart turned stone
But I built a fortress of rock encasing it
Not deathly unfeeling
but inaccessible to feeling
It feels it knows, it beats it thinks of you
Everyday when accosted by the shadows of yesterday,
By the mirrored me that stares deep into my soul
Then just as quickly darts her eyes away from truth
Not understanding but unwilling to feel
I miss you.

27.10.10

Shooting Star, Shooting Star...

Grant one wish for me tonight
I wish in life's sweet innocence
With the white of my little girl's heart
For Love to hear my cry.
I wish for him to thirst my joy
I wish for Him to hear ..."Amen"
and with one nod grant my deepest desire.

I wish for him to find me-
The diligence of a shepherd's frantic search
With efforts greater than the stone pushing, geometry raising,
Bare handed and bare backed sweaty Egyptians of ancient modernization.
That kind of work that has kept my mind awake
And my heart hungering through pitch-night.

I wish for him to rest
Only after my smile has warmed his soul
And in content triumph he knows
That all he has wanted in life,
He grips tight as his dreams crystallize,
In rocks of shiny coruscation
Adding on the years of always
And never letting die...

Shooting Star, Shooting Star...

Grant one wish for me tonight
I wish in life's sweet innocence
With the white of my little girl's heart
For Love to hear my cry.
I wish for him to thirst my joy
I wish for Him to hear ..."Amen"
and with one nod grant my deepest desire.

I wish for him to find me-
The diligence of a shepherd's frantic search
With efforts greater than the stone pushing, geometry raising,
Bare handed and bare backed sweaty Egyptians of ancient modernization.
That kind of work that has kept my mind awake
And my heart hungering through pitch-night.

I wish for him to rest
Only after my smile has warmed his soul
And in content triumph he knows
That all he has wanted in life,
He grips tight as his dreams crystallize,
In rocks of shiny glimmer
Adding on the years of always
And never letting die...

21.9.10

Maybe...

Maybe I care too much,
Maybe you are constantly on my mind
Maybe I check myself in the mirror again,
to make sure when you see me you will smile
Maybe when you smile, my heart dances
As I watch the sun rise on your face
Your lips part to greet me in a warm light
of the joy that you are.

Maybe I like your touch
Maybe your body warms me from the soul
Maybe I want to spend every minute with you
Maybe when I laugh at your jokes
and at your "I love you's"
It's because I hope you really do
Maybe I get angry because that thin line is so easy to cross
Maybe I am insufferable because it's almost impossible to be without you


Maybe I am so terrible because I am scared
Maybe you are not sure because I hide
Maybe I know the shadows of my history are constantly chasing me
Maybe if I stop running, they will overtake me
And outrun their cause
Maybe my worst is not so bad
Maybe I dont want to dissappoint.

Maybe, just maybe my dear
I make it so difficult because I love you.

14.8.10

Start

Raging fire in the belly,
Burning the bones,
Insides, and everything else in its way
Its flames lick at the solid,
And with the heat of the anger
of ten thousand demons
It melts,
And liquid fizzes
As what once flowed,
Wet, and quenched
Disintegrates, and agglutinates
the unseen atmosphere.

A strong charge,
knocking off the matador of past,
And the prison of hopelessness
Unwanted presents
and detested possibilities
Stifling impervious desire
Extirpating it all,

The force that pulls you up in determination
To never feel that pain again.
A much wanted change never realized,
till the fire that burns, pushes you to start.

21.7.10

...To Miss...


To feel his touch when he is not near

To hear his voice as if he was there

To think bout other things

I quickly dismiss

Because the emptiness

Amidst all this

Causes me distress

'I miss him'

The song sang by my soul, the hymn,...

7.7.10

A Woman's Bag

She hugged her shoulder companion
And her face rained into it.

Frozen in time she was rooted in place
And everything else replayed

His tongue thrusts had thrown her out
And she was cast in her crowding loneliness.

With her was her ever hanging buddy-
The one who stuck to her side.

The brown leather friend.

28.5.10

Pointing Fingers

Blood seeping through the gashes in her heart,
Filling her body up
With more hollowness
And the emptiness
Choking out
Her being
Her life
And her...

Her swollen eyelids stuck together
Tightly sealed
With the cement of expired tears
And the tiny slits she could see through
Were salty and crusted over
Blurring the world around her
And pushing her farther into the darkness

Her quivering voice was not enough to fully carry a sob,
And her body could tremble no longer
Shaking with the eruption of a fresh wave of emotion
She wrung her body dry
Then she knew she could cry no more,
And the dry streams stung her eyes
Aching in their sockets, they felt
Like the pieces of her hardly pumping heart

Served a fresh platter of pain,
She was filled with everything
Remorse, hurt, anger and dejection
Played their parts, taking the roles
In the theater of her life.
Each enemy had done his sin,
Love being the biggest perpetrator of all.

Each one had showed up
And owned up to their crime
All but one.
The self had failed to note
She allowed herself to be hurt.

26.5.10

re-Birth

Blinded by her tear swollen eyes,
She saw only the darkness in her heart;
The pain of death crushed her
And her weak muscles failed to let her breath,
Suffocating in her body
And drowning in her tears
She knew it was her fears she was living.

The light was blindingly sweet,
And fight as she may have
She lost the battle to Love.
The sunny days had been sweet and intoxicating;
The laughs had rocked her into delirium
And the delicious kisses had lingered forever.

Anew, the fresh dew of love
Had caressed the petals of her skin
And her gifts had been carefully,
Beautifully,
And painstakingly wrapped before presented.
Today, the blindness revealed the truth

And the storm erupted.
Resurrection was out of the question
She will be dead forever:
But in death, she was born again.
Born to see the truth,
Never to believe in the impossible:
The illusion of beauty expires eventually.

22.5.10

Clean

Today the hair came down
The youth went out
And a son was born,
The new became old
And the old died.

At his bedside, the tears flooded the room
And the pain was suffocating.
Hearts ripped out,
By the hands of their owners
beat their last
and were tossed into history

Memories were born again
And stories came alive with nostalgia
The one who had been all
Had died with all he had.
Living had been his doing,
And all was on his shoulders

Stuck in their grieving minds,
The wails were too quietly detonating,
That no one heard his loudly whispered laugh.

13.5.10

Droplets

Baby thoughts trickling through my head,
Dancing around,
Kicking up sand,
Awakening in me
A yearning for their birth;
A myriad of dreams
Crystallized in wake,
Blowing kisses
And little infant nudges,
Begging for a nipple to suckle.

Scrambling to grip
The sand slips through tightened fingers
And the smoke is blown away
by the breath that born it
And again the chase begins
Taunting my consciousness
And challenging my memory
to an ever losing battle
The notions start again.

In the mirror of my life,
Tears mixed in joy
Paint on a canvas of pain
Strengthened with happiness;
And hope found in disdain
Backs a hollow pithiness of dreams

Then the image forms again
Once more,
then another time.
As the muscles of my life tighten,
The free escape.
It is not till I learn to let go
That I can learn to gain.

29.4.10

Stupor

She literally had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out the truth. Sad thing is that, it probably wouldn't have changed anything. Her mind did a frantic sweep, trying to make any sense out of the situation, but it was hopeless.
As her eyes watered with hot tears from the pain, she felt her mouth flood with salty saliva. She bit harder and kept her eyes open, unblinking she endured the burning sensation of the cold wind.
Finally, one fat tear set out on a labored pilgrimage down her cheek.
"I know! It is so sad, but don't cry for me. I know that I will survive though this hard love is the one that I have chosen for myself."

Of all the baffling questions that plagued her mind, she wondered exactly why she tolerated this nonsense long enough to inflict physical pain on herself. Her sick attempts to comfort her friend meant she had to literally suffer.
Through clouded eyes, she clearly saw the truth. That her love sick best friend spent endless nights pining for the one who treated her worst. She had fallen for the worst and chosen to love him nonetheless. A fool for love; she called her. Standing before her, she saw the face of her mirror, in her friend's eyes. A fool for love, she pained herself to be there, and to shed fake tears.

11.4.10

Tired Souls

Heavy sacks of bodies
Dragged in after a day
Of boring mundane work
The aching muscles
Of war's lost
And battles defeated
Tell tales of moments past
Left and buried
To be forgotten

Tears dried, show maps
Of roads taken
And ones wished not
And fingers worked
To the bleeding bones
Scream of days gone,
Wailing for tomorrows approaching
Persons' sinking
Under the weight of beings

Souls are exhausted
With the excruciating realities of life
Tongues are heavy with the sorrows of truth
Eyes are glaringly weary with the sores of times
And now,
Oh, now sings a dirge; stringed together by the notes
of nows gone and nows to come.
The elegies that last forever,
For life's battles neither cease
Nor decease.

30.3.10

Prized Possession

If I had a man's love,
What would I do with it?
Will I take it everywhere with me?
Will I feed it?
Clothe it?
Nurture it?
Will I massage out it's knots?
Or will I beat out its kinks?
Will I cradle it?
Or will I rock it to sleep?
Will I swing it high?
To electrify its senses?

If I won a man's heart,
What will I do with it?
Will I keep it close and dear?
Will I stay away, lest it hurt?
Kick it?
Kiss it?
Will I sell if for a fortune?
Or give it to the homeless?
Will I frame it up to be admired?
Or will I safely tuck it under my dreams?
Will I hold it in my hand?
Just to I wear it on my sleeve?

If I gained a man's trust
What will I do with it?
Will I value it?
Treasure it?
Guard it?
Will I tell the world about it?
Or will I live with it alone?
Will I know it's true worth?
Or will it be a mundane fool?
Will I it stay with me forever?
Like the love they say never ends?

It must certainly be a rare prize to gain,
The love,
The trust,
The affection of a man
It has to be worth life's toils,
But, what will I do with something so precious,
If I was spared the fight
And chosen to win?

20.3.10

A TOAST!!

This is to the dirty old men souls out there,
Who are really just looking for one ride
Maybe two, three, as many rides as they can get
To moan with
And reminisce on
To feed their statistics
And pump their egos
This is to the slimy old dirtbags out there,
Who are here to stay,
For now, and to leave their memories behind
For me to relive
This is to those nasty old men
Who after life’s given them all they could ever want
Hunger and greed rules their hungry emptiness
And they seize what is not theirs

Whether clothed in the skin of a handsome promising jock
Or in the suit of a young entrepreneur, whose road is paved with gold promises
Or in that angel costume, a smile that melts the ice walls around my heart,
And grips my beating everything, in a grasps of self serving pride
Or maybe in the experienced lover, who has a lot to lose,
Plays the role of the generous giver,
Only there to help me reach my climax,
My three seconds of fame in a gripping moan
This is to you.

I raise my champagne glass,
Proud of my mistakes, and ashamed of nothing,
Not even my bare humanness
I toast to you,
Your success, in life
And your failures in love
I raise this to you,
For once I weeped,
Thinking you robbed me of my greatest gift!
An ode to you, because in my painful tears,
I saw the truth after the rain,
That I wasn’t unlovable,
Nor was I not good enough
Nor beautiful enough,
Nor not narrow enough
I find that the preciousness
In my elegant, classy step
Was my heart,
Wrapped up in selfless love
My pained hatred of the one gift He gave me,
Will bring me joy
I have learned that my hips will sway to the music of love
Held by the arms of my dream
That my world will be painted with the fingers of passion
And my fantasies will be my everyday life
I know that my smiles will never end,
Till they turn into the music of my laugh,
That the cries of the sucklers of my never drooping breasts
Will be cradled
And Nurtured,
And moulded
By the warmth of love

I know what to expect from my greatest desire,
Because you gave me nothing to smile about.

18.2.10

Left Behind

Chocolat filled pains,

And exquisite delicacies,

Raved and rattled about.

Gallant acts, of chiseled features, immortal

Mouth-watering hips of delicate silk wrapped

Cherry lipped, mocha tainted, hazelnut windowed pillars

Of the revolutionisation of aesthetics

Phenotypes not pleasing, but glorifying to the eyes

Exceptional jewels adorning, delicate physiques of unmistakably intentionality of artist creation

Gorgeous teeth, musical laugh, mesmerizing aromas, crippling spices,

Taste bud waking sensations, ringing through the beings, blessed by such moments

Stunning talents, unique abilities, unforgettable beings of enviable personalities,

Musical laughs escaping the perfect part, escorted by the ideal whiff of warm exhalation

Breathtaking sculptures from unclone-able hands,

Hilarious jokes, evoking rippling laughter simply at the recollection of it's first utterance

Timeless words, the works of a genius of all time

Discoveries, inventions, first and only of its kind.

Amazingly immortalized, the essence of meaning, beginning or love, woven around it's core.

Irreplaceably unchallenged value.....



But then...

what about the plain?


26.1.10

This Love Thing!

When soldiers head for war, they risk their limbs,
Their senses and their lives as they’ve always known it
For something worthy
When a virgin gives her first, she risks years of regret,
No retakes and a lifetime’s memory
For one worthy
When a mother conceives, she sacrifices her body
Her tight youth,
And bubbly firmness
For those worthy
When lovers risk,
They risk it all for…
Falling for one, who may never be;
Giving to one, whose memory may hurt to last
Body, heart and soul up on a stick of forfeit;
Time’s prison
Money’s captivity
Kisses’ sting
For that one, who may never be.
We risk, fearing not, the deadly monster in
This LOVE thing

4.1.10

New

The very thing I love about writing stops me from putting my words down whenever I choose to embark on this lyrical journey.
Each time I lay my words down, they are eternalised.
And I share them with the world.
I open my dusty window and whoever cares to, can see deep into my guarded house.
I began the New Year still
Unfeeling
Unthinking,
Just lost in my grieving world of thoughts
Putting together the plan for the rest of my journey
To decide which foot to put down first was the most difficult battle
Considering what I am opening up to them to see,
I forgot that I may also look out the window.

I love what I see.

Destructive Distraction

"I charge you, stir ye not, nor awaken my love, till he pleases"
Warned the wisdom of the book of the King of Wise words
"Love hurts, "
Meaningful words out of washed up overused mouths
The cliche holds true.

What is this
that holds my breath
and feeds my lungs the air of life?
What is this, that paints pretty pictures
of futures unknown
And ends my life with its death?

Until he pleases,
my life's quest is to awaken him
To the beauty of the beats in my chest
Drumming a tune I yearn for him to dance to.

Until he pleases,
My pleasures will not erupt
Caving in my hollow,
I seek a way to sprout
I will not awaken me,
Until he stirs.

I heed not the warning only the wise understand.
How can I choose wisely, my path for life,
When this love robs my reasoning?